Hey y’all! I’ve been a bit quiet lately due to all the crazy things going on. Not only are there Covid-19 impacts and possible mid-life crises stirrings, but also the loss of my amazing and beautiful soul of a big sister, Candy.
The last 40 days since her death have been a cluster of sadness, hurt, anger, disappointment, loneliness, despair, memories, smiles, denial, and about a thousand other feelings. As I navigated the stormy seas of grief, I also navigated a new normal filled with anxiety and fear of a microscopic virus that could rob me of everything else that I love. Even though I mostly knew how to conduct my own actions to remain as safe as possible, I was also subject to a general public that is severely under-educated and much too susceptible to incorrect information blasted on social media and over-zealous media outlets. (Don’t even get me started about people and those #%$*! gloves)
A new month has arrived, and with it a new readiness to move. It’s time to pick myself up, dust off some of the shrapnel, and move forward, one tiny step at a time.
Do I think it’s going to be easy? NO
Does it mean I’m moving ON? NO
Does it mean I’m forgetting my sister? NO
Does it mean I’m going to stop talking about memories of my sister? NO
Does it mean I’m done grieving or feeling loss? HELL NO
But it does mean that I’m ready to move through it a little bit and find the pockets of joy where I can.
I’ve found that one of the best ways to move through the grief is to lean into it and even embrace it. I was re-organizing my pantry the other day, dancing around to some Yacht Rock tunes, having a grand old time. Then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, BAM – the tears started to flow. Candy would have loved that song and I missed her – HARD. Down on the floor I went and sobbed until that particular session was cried out. Then I wiped off the tears, told her that I loved her, and went back to the organizing. (My pantry looks amazing, BTW). So, there will be lots of those times. Emotions…get used to them!
See, I’m really good at other people’s emotions, anticipating them, noticing them, being comfortable with them, honoring them, and even dealing with them. Goodness, I even bother myself with how one friend’s actions will impact my other friend, even when I can’t do a darn thing about it. But my own emotions? Nope – we better bottle those up and tuck them away, because if I express them, I might make someone else uncomfortable. Intellectually, I know that is ridiculous, but it’s how I have rolled for a long time and that is a long road back to honoring myself and my own feelings.
All that to say, it’s going to be a ride, and I hope you’ll stick with me! 🙂
Another area that has been hit is travel. If you aren’t aware, we started a boutique travel agency towards the end of 2019. SeaSquared Travel – find us at www.seasquaredtravel.com and on social media.
What that endeavor is going to look like in the future, we just don’t know yet. I know we will take those bucket list trips and explore the world again, but it will be a much different environment.
Travel is essential to a balanced and happy life. It’s also essential to a world that works together to combat bigotry and hatred. That balance has four foundations – Friends/Family (Community), Health, Attitude, and Travel – for me, every one of those have taken a hit right in the gut over the last 2 months, but I’m ready to explore the rebuilding and hope you’ll join me and even help me a bit.
Check out our facebook group: Seasquared Travel – Four Foundations
This is where the goodness and growth will happen!
We also have another group here –> Simpson BioCare ReLeaf – where we explore the positive impact that CBD can make. It’s unique to everyone, but I know the areas where it has helped me and others.
We share some of our writings here on the main page, but the group is where we share deals and offers – never any pressure, just put it out there for those looking for it. Come join us.
So, we’re back! Maybe not full force just yet, but we are here surviving. Thanks for joining us on this journey. It’s going to be bumpy, but it will be worth it.
When you see any of us, don’t be scared to talk or ask about Candy. We want her to be remembered and we want to hear her name – even when it’s painful, we want it!
Stay safe and be smart about your exposure!
We miss you – a lot!!
It’s CFRS, Positively.