BUSY.
Busy, busy, busy, busy, busy. It has almost become the new “I’m fine” auto response when you ask people how they are doing. And it’s not OK. It’s an epidemic that is ruining our lives and relationships.
In reality, if we are honest with ourselves and self-aware, we tend to hide behind our ‘busy’ and use it as an excuse or a conversation crutch. We use it when we don’t know what to say or how to say no. We also use it when we are simply disorganized and can’t figure out which way is up….. Don’t really want to do something? Busy. Don’t know how to say no? Busy. Nothing creative to say? Busy. Don’t feel like talking to that person? Busy. Can’t fit another thought into the brain? Busy. Ignored texts, calls and emails for too long? SO Busy.
Being ‘busy’ isn’t a badge of honor or even a measurement of how good we are doing. Now, we all know that life does throw new things and projects our way that take up a lot of time and throw us off balance, but those should be periodic and eventually managed – even if that requires asking for help. It happens…to everyone. That’s not the busy I’m talking about. But if the most common word out of your mouth is ‘busy’ for the last 6 months or longer, then the shoe just might fit. And it may be time to do something before the universe does it for you.
I have a pretty long history of over scheduling myself. It never had any malicious intent, I just wanted to DO ALL THE THINGS and SEE ALL THE PEOPLE. Plus, it took me a really long time to learn to create boundaries and say no. While usually it really only impacted me, it occasionally impacted some friendships too. I’d either double schedule or would be so wiped out that I’d have to cancel here and there. Nobody likes canceled plans, and I hurt friends’ feelings. It also took a toll on my health. Always more concerned about those around me and how they felt, I rarely took care of myself, physically or mentally. I got fat. I was spread so thin (haha – ironic, right?), I wasn’t much good to the people I loved – I could still be there for them, but my spirit’s stamina was zilch and I usually petered out.
Then the universe stepped in. Not in a life threatening way, but certainly a way that got my attention. There were warning signs all over the place to slow the heck down, but I didn’t. Then I herniated a disc in my back. It absolutely stopped me in my tracks. A couple of weeks of nerve pain slowed me down, but I tried to keep going. Often putting off the help that was offered. Then it escalated and put me on my back for 2 weeks until I could get into see the doc. Long story short, a couple of conservative treatments didn’t work, so onto the surgeon’s table I went. A day after the procedure, the offending tissue was removed and I had a brand new outlook on life and slowing down.
During the previous 8 weeks, I couldn’t do much of anything and ended up canceling all plans. It was quiet, super quiet. Hanging with the hubs and the doggos only became the norm. I liked it. A LOT (not the pain part, that sucked!!) I most definitely missed my activities, my volunteer efforts and my friends – I’d dare say I even missed work, but not as much as the rest 😉 – but I also came to enjoy the peace and calm. Once I was able to get back into life, I realized that when I took time to be in the moment, I enjoyed activities more. I started to re-connect with the people I love – instead of always feeling annoyed because I had 50K other things to do. I was enjoying my life again!!
It took (and takes) work everyday to begin to establish and maintain the boundaries. It doesn’t mean I won’t do a lot of the things and see a lot of the people. It also doesn’t mean I won’t get too busy ever again, but it does mean that I will do everything I know to do at that time to get myself out of it and find the time to relish in the calm again. I know, I know – all situations are different and there’s no way that I can understand the pressures others are under. Just like everyone else. Each of us perceives our own situations as unique, and we ARE, but our experience of them is human and in that we are all the same – vulnerable and overwhelmed.
Are you hiding behind the busy? I’d love to hear your thoughts about it. If so, do yourself and your loves a favor and find a way to take a break. If someone you know is drowning in the busy, have the courage to say something. Get the help, reorganize, work on some self-awareness, learn to actually say no (but be kind – those that are “new to no” often take on a snarky “me,me,me” tone that is counter-intuitive to the self-work learning to say no is part of)….do whatever it is that’s needed to have the real down time. YOU deserve it.
Make it a great day!
It’s CFRS – positively.