Wednesdays on the positively CFRS blog are for Awareness and Wellness – a myriad of subjects from self awareness and different charities and organizations I support to healthier and whole living. All things that inspire me as I wander through life.
Self Awareness is weird. It has an infinite number of levels, making it realistically an impossible goal, yet it is THE goal our spirits strive for, as well as the goal that makes it possible for us to live an honest and genuine existence with others. If we are not at some level aware of our fears, motivators and triggers, then what we portray to the world is a mask – a mask that we also fool ourselves with. How many times do you hear people describe themselves with one trait or another and think, “Who in the world are they describing?” It’s human nature to see the best in ourselves, our intentions – but often fear or sadness make us put on masks, and the world sees those very differently.
Side note: The one reading this and saying to themselves, “I’m not scared or sad”, is the one that really needs to consider working on the journey – everyone has pain, sadness and fears – it’s how we deal with them that makes us.
The kicker is that becoming enlightened or aware at one level means that the next level we need to reach is instantaneously revealed to us. This truth keeps us humble while on the journey. We are not diminished when we admit opportunities for growth, we are only diminished when we shrug them off and refuse to try, or consider ourselves more valuable than even one around us. We also err when we think of any journey as a straight line – only machines work in straight lines, humans are all over the map – squiggles and zigzags.
The year 2014 has had a whirlwind affect on my journey. So many onion layers peeled back, and so many left to go. Much like how I learned to swim, I was plunged into the deep end with little warning – struggling and kicking to little avail. Only when I forced myself (against every rational thought in my head) to calm and accept where I was did it become clear that my journey to swim would only come through a better understanding of myself – zero of it would come from external sources that ‘owed’ me or trying to understand others when they didn’t understand themselves. Believing that where we end up in life is solely determined by the culmination of our own choices, I decided to make better ones (I didn’t like where I was – it was COLD and depressing). Some choices were easy, some were very hard and took multiple attempts to get them “right”. Some folks didn’t understand choices I was making and fought against them, incorrectly attributing my choices to what was happening in their lives; some folks cheered me on. I lost a little, but I gained so much more. I still have a million layers to go, and just as many choices to make…..
All that being said, as we journey to a higher level of awareness, the three things below are the hurdles that stand out as the biggest blocks to getting that next level. Making us zig when we should zag..
Judgment of others
We are so quick to judge and even pre-judge. Always thinking someone is out to get us, or assuming anything about others’ motivations, says so much more about our own state of mind than anything related to their actions. EVERYONE (yes, even we) makes mistakes, and if we cannot consider that and offer a little compassion as first reaction, then we might should go live in a bubble. That cashier that shorted us a dollar most likely isn’t trying to rob anyone, maybe she was distracted by a thought of her elderly mother and miscounted. That guy that cut us off in traffic most likely didn’t single that specific car out (unless he’s driving a BMW, they’re usually a-holes…..I KID!, but just a little), maybe his kiddo has a fever and he works for a jerk of a boss and just didn’t see anyone there. The point is – assuming the worst has zero impact on those other people, but it has a devastating impact on our state of mind and well being.
Be aware of instant reactions and come to terms with whatever lies underneath. Then strive to react more positively – it will become more habitual.
My favorite illustration to remember this came from Buddha Groove – I LOVE that blog!
Four pupils used to practice meditation in the time before Zen came to Japan.
These close friends vowed to each other to observe silence for seven days.The first day passed well.
But as the evening progressed and the oil lamps became dim, one student couldn’t help himself.“Attend to the lamps!” he shouted impatiently to a servant.
His friend turned to him, surprised.
“You are not supposed to speak! Have you forgotten?”The third friend piped up, “You fools! Why are you talking?”
“Hah, I’m the only one who’s kept silent!” exclaimed the last.
Before judging others, pause for a moment and ask – how perfect am I?
Projecting Declarations
Any level of awareness brings some discomfort, especially for those of us that naturally avoid conflict….because this time the conflict is with ourselves. Awareness makes us realize that all the things we say we don’t like in others, are actually things we don’t like within ourselves. When we say we don’t like someone because they are ‘harsh’, most likely there is a ‘harshy’ one in our head that we are not fond of. We painstakingly avoid being harsh to anyone (read: mask to outside world), which in turn creates a lot of conflict and fear that keeps getting pushed down. We project what we don’t like internally onto the actions of others – it’s much, much easier and comfortable to judge their actions than admit our own.
Choosing to separate ourselves from actions that don’t respect our journey is one thing. Public declarations of “I’m no longer going to hang around anyone that likes peas” is a bit of another. It declares judgment (which our journey is leading us away from) and also minimizes the journey that others may be on (ours is no better than theirs).
Be aware and honor the needs that will nurture growth and peace within, but not in a way that strokes the ego at the expense of the spirit of others. Convince the voice within before trying to convince the world.
Distrust and overwhelming need for ‘justice’
Much like projecting, distrust comes from within. Now don’t get me wrong, there is a time and place for distrust – don’t go handing out your bankcard and pin to random folks and expect them to not drain your bank account. While I’m quite certain you would find people that wouldn’t do that, we don’t need to trial and error that one.
This is the kind of distrust that we demonstrate towards those we allow in our lives and love. That typically comes again from judgments we make of carnal or primitive instincts we have. As we shouldn’t judge others, we also should not judge ourselves. Just because we think something, it doesn’t mean we do it. Everyone has thought about punching an idiot in the face…..but most of us don’t do it. Those in our lives deserve the benefit of the doubt as well. Just because they could be thinking something or could have intended something in the most hurtful way, doesn’t mean they do. Perhaps that is the time we should self reflect and see what lies within us that causes us to think the worst of the people we consider the best. Resolving that builds us up and stops devastating negativity.
Back to our theme of everyone makes mistakes and all are human, as we go through life, we will be hurt by people we love – some deliberate and some by mistake – knowledge of which won’t diminish the hurt, it will only help us through the forgiveness process. If deliberate, that’s probably a good place to review those choices. Be wary of anyone that tries to convince you of someone else’s intention. If we feel an overwhelming need to make those people feel as bad as they made us feel AND ACT ON IT – we may have just entered that deliberate hurting of others arena and may be the next ‘choice’ made by someone else on their journey. Justice in that way only continues the negative cycle and honors no peaceful or spiritual learning.
As we move through our journey to and within awareness, we walk a mine field of judgment. Zigs and zags. Are we really choosing our steps based on what’s best for our peaceful existence, or are we choosing based on judgments of others’ actions and projecting intentions? The higher path is rarely the easiest and often makes us deal with ourselves and others, but it most certainly always has the best outcomes.
Well, that’s exactly what makes life a journey and interesting – but my guess is that if we are at least thinking about it, we are closer to that next onion layer.
Choose more awareness, peacefulness and positive reactions – those are the true keys to happiness.
It’s CFRS – positively.