As I continue to increase my ‘getting quiet’ time with meditation and self work, I’m noticing a few recurring thoughts popping in. These are things I thought I had fully processed, but there they are. The best part about noticing these is that acknowledging and accepting them feels like a final step in letting go and really moving forward.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not forgetting or any nonsense like that – but releasing the grip and not allowing it to muddy the waters, no matter how subtle. If it wasn’t muddying the waters subconsciously, then it wouldn’t be coming up during quiet times. It’s why SO many fear being quiet and examining their feelings – too much surfaces that they are not comfortable with…..and it requires action. It’s also not holding a grudge. Holding a grudge (even when you tell yourself it’s not a grudge) only shows that whatever the situation is still controls you. Process the thoughts and emotions, come to terms with it – there is always a way, and move forward. See a theme? Sometimes we move forward in compromise, with new information or just in peace with what has happened, knowing it changed us.
So this picture demonstrates the thought that keeps gophering my quiet time!
For anyone that has ever been incorrectly accused (that’s a pretty strong word, but you know what I mean….) of an action, dealt with the aftermath and come out the other side knows this deep in their soul.
Most people know, or at least have heard, that how a message or action is perceived by the recipient typically outweighs the original intent of the sender. Especially when perhaps those two (the perception and the real intent) are not in sync. Often this has much more to do with what is going on in the recipient’s world than the message itself. This is why human communication is such an art form and why it’s current demise in society is so disheartening. Typically, when such a miscommunication occurs, the two parties would discuss and come to an understanding of what was meant in reality. Unfortunately, sometimes that doesn’t happen.
When a misunderstanding happens like this, often one or both sides will passionately ‘dig in’ to defend their rightness. Working to tell the story from their perspective to either convince themselves or others that their feelings are justified and correct, especially if they feel they’ve been victimized. It’s a natural reaction and one we all do as we process emotions.
Therefore it becomes IMPERATIVE as listeners that we remember each ‘side’ has their own history and memories that shape their perception of any event. Their story is being told out of that perception and depending on how deep it hits, the emotions can be very strong and adamant. The stronger the feelings involved, the more diverse the stories will typically be, with the truth of the situation lying somewhere in the middle. It is our job to ensure we remember to consider both sides when evaluating an interactions between others (please note, I’m not talking about injustices like abuse, etc.)
We’ve probably all been participants on all sides of a coin like this. My post isn’t about digging up the past….it’s about acknowledging and freeing ourselves from past mistakes. I’ve been on the misunderstood side and watched as people I loved talked about how awful I was to do such a thing that never really happened. I’ve been on the side that blindly believed only one perspective and vilified the other pretty publicly. Luckily I was later able to apologize sincerely for my part in that story (and by grace, they forgave me.) I’ve also watched two people struggle with differing perspectives and been witness to their pain as they truly believed the other meant them harm. Had to watch in sadness as they each mourned the friendship when one or both could not move forward enough to cross the bridge.
All it takes is for us to consider each situation we are brought into with a little more heart, openness and empathy. When actually in a situation, try looking at it with empathy – what has the other person been through that might be skewing their perception. Be open to giving people the benefit of the doubt. More often than not, everyone we encounter is dealing with something….life is hard, be kind!
Is there a situation you are in or witness to that could use an acknowledgment of perspective and a little empathy?? Leave some comments!
Make it a great day!
It’s CFRS – positively.